Chasing Satisfaction

ROMEO
O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?

JULIET
What satisfaction canst thou have tonight?

ROMEO
The exchange of thy loves faithful vow for mine.

JULIET
I gave thee mine before thou didst request it:
And yet I would it were to give again.

ROMEO
Wouldst thou withdraw it? for what purpose, love?

JULIET
But to be frank, and give it thee again.
And yet I wish but for the thing I have.
My bounty is as boundless as the sea,
My love as deep; the more I give to thee,
The more I have, for both are infinite.

[Nurse calls within.]

I hear some noise within; dear love, adieu!
Anon, good nurse! Sweet Montague, be true.
Stay but a little, I will come again.

[Exit, above.]

ROMEO
O blessed, blessed night! I am afeard.
Being in night, all this is but a dream,
Too flattering-sweet to be substantial.

[Re-enter JULIET, above.]

JULIET
Three words, dear Romeo, and good night indeed.
If that thy bent of love be honourable,
Thy purpose marriage, send me word tomorrow,
By one that I'll procure to come to thee,
Where and what time thou wilt perform the rite;
And all my fortunes at thy foot I'll lay
And follow thee my lord throughout the world

Aren't we all just hopeless, longing romantics, such as Romeo? Pining after lofty beauty seemingly untouchable? We know we're not in the same league as our desired beauty, and yet we reach. We seek for something greater than ourselves. We are so….unsatisfied without her. Even though she turns her face to us and calls us worthy. She accepts us with fondness and affection. And she does it even before we realize it.

ROMEO

O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?

JULIET

What satisfaction canst thou have tonight?

ROMEO

The exchange of thy love’s faithful vow for mine.

JULIET

I gave thee mine before thou didst request it:

And yet I would it were to give again.

She’s already given her love and yet we don’t feel the satisfaction of it. Because right now, we are merely engaged. There’s something greater to come. She has committed herself to us. Then she says she would take it back just to give it again. The thought of losing her love grieves us. We only see the part about her taking it back. But we are to worry not. For she would only take it back to return it.

ROMEO

Wouldst thou withdraw it? And for what purpose, love?

JULIET
But to be frank, and give it thee again.

And yet I wish but for the thing I have.

My bounty is as boundless as the sea,

My love as deep; the more I give to thee,

The more I have, for both are infinite.

If you read on you will see that she wants our love to be honorable. She fears our rejection. She wants us to wait for her. All of this from an unattainable beauty. We cannot believe it! But if we honor her and honor ourselves seeking the final satisfaction of her love, she will lay down her fortunes at our feet and remain with us wherever we go.

JULIET

I hear some noise within; dear love, adieu!
Anon, good nurse! Sweet Montague, be true.
Stay but a little, I will come again.

[Exit, above.]

ROMEO

O blessed, blessed night! I am afeard.
Being in night, all this is but a dream,
Too flattering-sweet to be substantial.

[Re-enter JULIET, above.]

JULIET
Three words, dear Romeo, and good night indeed.
If that thy bent of love be honourable,
Thy purpose marriage, send me word tomorrow,
By one that I'll procure to come to thee,
Where and what time thou wilt perform the rite;
And all my fortunes at thy foot I'll lay
And follow thee my lord throughout the world.

A fantasy, right? Shakespeare was a romantic idealist in his writing, was he not? The underdog catches the attention of the beauty. Rarely does this happen in real life, right? Sure some of it is true. We long for beauty and spend our lives seeking satisfaction. We seek love. But does love seek us?

²⁴"The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. ²⁵And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. ²⁶From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. ²⁷God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us.²⁸'For in him we live and move and have our being.' As some of your own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.' – Acts 17:24-27

If that’s not lofty love seeking us out, I don’t know what is. He needs nothing and no one. But he created everything and everyone to lure us to his love. I’ll take that any day over roses and chocolate. We are loved by an untouchable beauty. He has turned his face to us with fondness and affection. He offered his love to us before we could ask for it. If we return His love, he offers us everything in eternity with Him, where we will finally stop chasing for satisfaction. We will be fulfilled, for we will be without Him/Love no more. So stop seeking and be found. Satisfaction comes from the Lord.

“ ¹Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. ²Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, ³because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. ⁴For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. ⁵Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

⁶Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. ⁷We live by faith, not by sight. ⁸We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. ⁹So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. ¹⁰For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.”- 2 Corinthians 5:1-10

“ ⁷Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.⁸Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.⁹This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son^a]">[a] into the world that we might live through him. ¹⁰This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for^b]">[b] our sins.” 1 John 4:7-10

Inspiration

I'm putting effort into blogging more often for many many reasons. One of those is to simply improve my writing discipline. I find that finding inspiration to do this often is difficult since I am particularly passionate about whichever topic I'm writing on. I can't be THAT passionate about everything I write. So either I seek a strong inspiration, or I just make it up as I go. You know, I heard a quote somewhere that said something to the effect of "You can't sit around and wait for motivation. Take action and the motivation will come later". I'm pretty sure I butchered that, but you get the idea. So here I am taking action. A lot of my inspiration comes from music. Right now, not so much. Okay, I have a topic. It shall be in my next post. ;)

Imma Tupid

So now that I'm trying to grow closer to my God, I've naturally started to question some things. I'm self-evaluating, you can say. In a verse I put in my last post it says to 'test everything' (1 Thessalonians 5:21). This is what I began to do. First on the list turned out to be my faith. Uh-oh. Truth is, I've been leaning on faith alone. I've been satisfied with this from the beginning of my relationship. After all, faith is praised in the Bible. There's nothing wrong with faith. In fact, I might add that I believe 'faith' is the hardest part to truly grasp in our form. We base reality on things we can touch, see, taste, smell and hear. Those things are real. Everything else is faith. Faith is what frustrates the intelligent. Christians have been accused of stupidity, using this 'invisible God' as a crutch to get through the troubles of this world. Because we don't have the courage to accept that in the end there is nothing. We go back into the earth. The end. Depressing as this idea is, this is the logical conclusion of death in this sensual world. I've nothing against this view, since it makes sense. But I don't believe that our bodies are all that exist. Perhaps I'm 'stupid' enough to believe that there is such thing as the human spirit or soul. Anyhow, my point is, I do believe in faith. There's more to this world than narcissism.

But I'm now testing, and I don't have the knowledge to back my faith. I've simply accepted God as truth. I do feel Him. He moves me. He's transformed me. I know in my heart that God is real. But so does every other religion. Yet we claim that our God is the true God. Why? Why our God?

I have decent knowledge of the Bible. (Not nearly enough to devote my life to it...but enough). That's not what this is about though. It's not about how well I know the Bible. For me there is a step that comes before even that. The validity of the Bible. Because let's be honest here. I could pick up this book at Barnes and Noble that I really want called "Vampires: From Dracula to Twilight: The Complete Guide to Vampire Mythology" By Charlotte Montague

and read it from cover to cover. I'm very passionate about Vampires. Well here is the COMPLETE Guide to them! Sure there are other books about vampires, but this one....this is it. So I've read it from cover to cover and know everything about them. Now I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they're real. And I want to be one! So I will devote my life to the teachings of the Complete Vampire Guide to achieve my goal.

You see what I'm getting at?

Now, obviously it's easier to dispute the validity of a vampire book. But how is it any different if we just accept the Bible as God's divine word? This is my take on it anyhow. So when I say I'm setting out to test my faith, I'm actually setting out to test the book that my entire spirituality is based on.

I still consider myself a Christian, so for those fellow Christians who are reading this running around shouting, "The Pastor's Wife is a HEATHEN!" calm down. Make no mistake, I am doing this because I am madly in love with my God and want to rally for him to those who are grounded in the reality of this world. If you love your God, as I do, then I might suggest you join me in this search. Take responsibility as a Christian and offer substance to our hungry world. We can continue to love and serve others in the name of our God. This is of the utmost importance and WILL be noticed. So don't freak out thinking you have no credibility if you can't explain the accounts in the bible as having historical accuracy. Love trumps education any day. Ask any person on their death bed which they preferred during life. But we are also commissioned by our savior to "...go and make disciples of all nations..."(Matthew 28:19). Our own nation doubts because they won't even except the legitimacy of the Bible. Well I'm going to make disciples out of them. Faith is enough for me. But if it's not enough for them, I believe God will provide the evidence needed to reveal himself through their intelligence. In the end I do believe my research will prove that science and God will support each other. I have to.

This is for me as well though. I have my doubts. And it's okay to doubt. Doubt will motivate us to test our faith. And if we seek him, how much more satisfying will our worship be? Let's take responsibility for our faith in this world. Christians are not stupid. But don't be guilty of complacent sleeping through your 'faith'. Know what you believe and why. This is not only reasonable, but commanded by God.

"¹⁵But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect,..." (1 Peter 3:15)

Image from artist http://elsita.typepad.com/

Christ the Wisdom and Power of God

¹⁸For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.¹⁹For it is written:
"I will destroy the wisdom of the wise;
the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate."

²⁰Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? ²¹For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe.²²Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, ²³but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles,²⁴but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. ²⁵For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength.

²⁶Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth.²⁷But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. ²⁸He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, ²⁹so that no one may boast before him. ³⁰It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. ³¹Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord."

YIKES! But it's in there. Not sure how I feel about this. This is the kind of thing that would frustrate an intelligent non-God believing (non-Christian) person. Perhaps it's faith that takes precedence over knowledge in the eyes of God? I just don't know. And thus my journey begins. Anyone have any suggestions on books I could read to help my search?

OKAY I HAVE TO SAY:

While I was writing this blog I have my headphones in my ears listening to Pandora Radio. The station I was listening to was my Teddy Geiger Station. Not a huge fan of Christian music. It's nothing against the lyrics, it just often doesn't have the sound I like to listen to. ANYHOW, point is, the music stopped (as it does when you don't interact for a long period of time). I clicked over on it's tab and it asked if I was still there. So I pressed the 'I'm Listening' button and the song that came on happened to be a Christian song. :) Wait, it gets better...It's a song by a band called Tenth Avenue North. The song is called "By Your Side" Here are the lyrics. Go listen to the song if you have a moment.

By Your Side Lyrics

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

(Chorus 2x)

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

(Chorus 2x)

Listen Here: http://s0.ilike.com/play#Tenth+Avenue+North:By+Your+Side:42464442:s26373233.8166486.7358669.0.1.66%2Cstd_89f3313f91bb06f9e05688a5710ea536

I love when God talks to me. I really am in love with Him. For those of you who are prone to prayer, please pray for me to stay grounded and focused on what matters during my search. For God, my faith and action in love in His name, are enough. I don't need the 'education' in full. I trust him even if it comes off as insane and illogical to others. There it is. My God is bigger than any wisdom I could collect. He reveals Himself to me everyday in ways this world cannot contain in it's intellectual capacity. He's bigger than we can ever comprehend. But I will still seek for Him in every way that I can. I know he loves all of His children, whether they acknowledge him or not. So I will use intellect to bring my bothers and sisters to Him if that is how they can be saved.

I Have M.E.

Recently, in the past couple of weeks to be exact, a horrifying realization has taken up residence in forefront of my mind and has begun reeking havoc on my life. This realization was that I have a life threatening disease. It's very contagious and almost everyone has it. It has infested most of America. It destroys lives. It is a part of me and I've had it my whole life. You could say I was born into it. It's called the ME Disease. Or at least, that's what I call it. I'm sick. You see, I gave up my life for the one who gave up his to rescue me. He's the cure. But I'm refusing treatment. I told him that I graciously accepted his sacrifice of love so that I could be free. I told him that. As it turns out, I've been walking around blindly clutching onto my condemned spirit. He offered, I accepted, but the exchange is compromised every day. I feed my flesh to it's hearts content while starving my spirit of nutrients. Can anyone else see how backwards America is? We've fallen deep into the rabbit hole and accepted a reality that isn't realistic. Me, me, me & me. This is what life's about. ME ME ME! GIMMIE MORE! Disgusting.

I'm a Christian. But that's like a Fast Food Worker calling herself a Neurosurgeon. I feed people crap. Sure it satisfies their hunger for a moment. But it also clogs their arteries and adds more layers of fat to their bodies. If I were doing that and calling myself a Neurosurgeon, claiming to change the lives and minds and overall health of people- they'd think I was insane! No question, right? Then why is it we can call ourselves Christians and only feast on the crap of this world and make a 1% effort in fulfilling our said cause? Do we feed the hungry and cloth the poor? Do we go and make disciples of all nations? Do we take up our cross and follow Jesus? Do we love our God with all our heart, soul and mind? Do we focus on the fruits of the spirit. Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-Control? Can those things exist if we're focused on gratifying ourselves? And these things can't happen within the period of a week on a mission trip or church camp or retreat. It needs to be a lifestyle. This touch and go Christianity is damaging our world.

We're sick! We love our things and money and image. To hell with the Spirit. Literally. This is what's being compromised. Eternity! How have we gotten so far away from the truth? When God says to give up everything and follow him, has anyone noticed how we talk ourselves into believing there are stipulations to this? Has anyone noticed these 'stipulations' don't add up with God's word or mission? Stipulations like, 'Well, God doesn't actually want me to give my television and game system and food and clothes and car and furniture.' Tell me, what is it you live for? What do you spend your time doing? What do you go to work to earn money for? What do you long and aspire for? If 'more' was any part of your answer.... We are hoarders! America the great! We are so lost. I'm rooted to myself. This is not good. I want to be healed. I want to live in the spirit and not in the flesh. I know the answer. I know it because God says it again and again. I don't want to run anymore. I don't want to hide behind temporary meaningless things. Let go. Let go of yourself and your life. We need to focus on other people. Be done with the 'American Dream'. It has deceived us. Live your life in love and service to others. Show them what true love looks like. Not if you scratch my back kind of service either. Let go of the things you can't take with you to the grave. Work on what matters. Family and Friends and Strangers and Enemies. We could change the world if we would just let go of ourselves.

I'm going in for treatment. I want to be rid of this cancer. And yes, I might loose parts of me I thought were important and necessary. But when your life is on the line, you start to really see the difference between want and need. We don't need much. If you call yourself a Christian, then rise up. Awaken from this cultural fog and move closer to the one who gave EVERYTHING for our souls. We weren't meant for trivialities. We were made extraordinary to do the extraordinary. So turn off the TV and Computer. Please take an honest look at your existence through God's eyes only. The only eyes that matter. I pray that God reveals himself to you and to me. Take action! Do it! Don't just imagine it. We are capable of change. We were made to move mountains at the side of God. America is not our home. We live by a different set of rules. I'm sick. I don't want to do this alone. But I don't know a single person, not one, who has done this. Everyone is going to look at me like I'm nuts. Or a radical. I don't know if I can do it. I care about my image. I care about what you think of me. I fear my harsh bluntness will be judged harshly and it will effect your view of me. I'm human. I direct this as much to myself as any Christian who feels what I feel. Something is off in our culture. My spirit wants to rebel and I've hushed it too often. I'm hungry though. I'm hungry through my complacency and laziness. And I know that's a good sign because my God is chasing after me still.

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled"-Matthew 5:6

"What we feel, think, and do this moment influences both our present and the future in ways we may never know. Begin. Start right where you are. Consider your possibilities and find inspiration...to add more meaning and zest to your life." -Alexandra Stoddard

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not put out the Spirit's fire; do not treat prophecies with contempt. Test everything. Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil. May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-24