Middle of Nothing

Time feels vital and irrelevant. Push me toward resolution and I may fall. On the precipice of something I can't see the bottom of. I want to cry but I've built myself into a fortress of weakness. Don't think I've ever felt so lost in my own life. Misplaced. We're all broken. I need to heal but am unaware of my own wounds. Even as I heal, will that change anything? You can hold me, but I won't feel it. You can comfort me, but I don't want it. Without the pain we wouldn't know anything was wrong. One foot in front of the other hoping for clarity while I stumble in the dark. When I can't see the end, I'm scared to begin. So am I floating? Stuck in the middle of nothing. Wanting to please everyone but myself. I don't want anyone to hurt like I do. I don't want anyone to hurt. But to heal, the focus must be on me and no one else. But I don't feel like I'm standing on solid ground to aim for the horizon. Waiting. Just waiting. I don't even know what for. But if I move, so will my life. I don't want to move in the wrong direction. I'm a human who doesn't want to make mistakes. Ha! What a joke. I need to be carried through this, God. I don't feel like I even know how to crawl. I'm not okay. Help me move forward and not stand still. Time is valuable. I don't want to waste it.