Please

We aren't supposed to be 'happy' but 'holy'. I don't know if I just don't believe this or I can't understand it because I'm so disgustingly selfish. Who am I to think that my happiness is of any significance in this life? Why do I think I'm deserving of anything? Who am I to think I should be the center of my life? What a twisted joke! But there's no denying a sickly human narcissism that controls way too much of my thought process. I need to focus on myself only to heal from past wounds. I just don't like what I see. I only want to heal myself so I'll stop hurting other people. I don't think I can completely escape this. I'm a flawed work in progress. I'm a deep soul wandering aimlessly for fulfillment and understanding that will never come. I want to let go and fly. I want to run so far I'll forget where I came from or where I was going. I want to forget forget forget. God. He's the only one. I'm broken. I'm empty. I'm starving. I'm rebellious. Fix me. Love me. Fill me. Tame me to be wild for You! Because I am wild inside. I am feral. I don't fit here. I am a star that's on the brink of explosion. Or implosion. Feels more like implosion. Touch the heart of my spirit and calm me. Guide me and comfort me. Be the Father I don't have. Be the lover that sees me. Be the friend who always understands me. Don't leave me all alone. Because I feel all alone. If you've allowed me to be broken, would you be so kind as to put the pieces back together. Just be near me. Allow me to feel you near me. I know I don't deserve it. But please? And please stuff a sock in the loud mouthed demon called 'Romance'. It's really messing people up.